I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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