The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
