chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
