you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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