My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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