I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
