its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
