I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
