12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
