Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
