I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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