god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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