Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
