i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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