Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
