Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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