The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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