my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
