So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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