i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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