we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
