she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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