she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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