In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
