you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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