you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
