And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
