Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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