I'm really into asian looking animals
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's great music for shaving your balls
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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