At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
