I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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