haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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