You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
