I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
