They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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