hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I believe in your delicious
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
