That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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