i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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