talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
