Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Randomize
