R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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