Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
