That's when you crack a 10am beer
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i drank out of a bidet.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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