Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
