I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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