Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
