I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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