How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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