wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
