he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize