OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
