Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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