I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
