peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
