According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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