you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
