So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
