i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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