you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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