How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
