oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
