Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
