I was born with a shot glass in my hand
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
operation harelip BJ is a go
worst night to have a conscience
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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