he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
