Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize