Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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