I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
