they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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