Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this is an emotional support booty call
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
