im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize