Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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