just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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