singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
