we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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