Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
