Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
