Only a mothe r could love this liver
this beer tastes like vomit already
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
