Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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