How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
