I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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