a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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