idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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