can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
