Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
