At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
