I think my vagina is haunted
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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