Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
