I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
