Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
