oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
