I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
