I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
