they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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