Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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