In the future we'll all be gay
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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