my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
