Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
