I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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