her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
