You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am naked and annoyed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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