the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
