I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
