i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
