Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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