Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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