Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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