Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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