3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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