He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
