fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
