I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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