Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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